All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
