If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
