she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
