I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
