Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
