yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
