My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
