im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize