i jhust puked up my retainher.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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