I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
