I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
