I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize