the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
