I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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