Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize