I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
