That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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