my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize