i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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