Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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