I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
