Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
