He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
vagina is talking i cant
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She bit a glass in half.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
