Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
