i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize