I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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