Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
