i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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