Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
