He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
