i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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