His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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