i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
