ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize