Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
