i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
