my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
