If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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