i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
