im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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