I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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