I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
