We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
