my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
