things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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