what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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