Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
