So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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