he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They took my balls.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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