i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
