If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
