But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do vagina's smell?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
