He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize