She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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