I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
