I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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