i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
