I'm going to jail i love you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
