Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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