Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
