She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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