i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
