So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize