The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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