He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
