Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
