dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
