I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
