i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
