I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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