After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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