I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize