In America we eat man semen.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
